Expressions of Divine Secrecy

The cardinal rule of writing, perhaps all creation, is to always hold a secret that can never be written, only hinted. You are looking through the works of someone who knew a secret so profound that it could barely be uttered, much less written. It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

You will recognize these hints by the moments of silence they bring to your mind, or by a feeling of excitement and creative stimulation. Sometimes a shiver may run up your spine, a definite sign that you have a lead. Record or jot down notes on anything you find.

It’s a reckless sacrifice to seek words for such secrets, so be thankful of writers and appreciate the torment they subject their hearts to in prying symbols from its broken pieces.

Write your own spiritual texts. Make your own rituals then break them and remake them. Spawn a religion and a way of being every time you talk to a new person. Cast off the shackles of this useless drivel from age old texts or the cutting edge laboratories of human civilization.

These are my words, this is my prophecy. My path is not yours, but perhaps the tale of my ways will help you. Perhaps it will help me…

Axioms of My Awakening

I believe that words can touch and paint and that the language of the universe is poetry. However, no word will ever hold the truth. It can only represent it. I believe that nothing is black and white, nor is everything shades of grey. There is black, and white, and grey… millions of colours in the visible spectrum… and there are even qualities of things which our eyes are not yet evolved enough to see.

I have chosen an axiom as my operating principle: people are not stupid by default, people are not evil, in general.  Everyone has a profound place in the dimension of the sacred, for better or for worse. However, we do have free will, and we can chose our sides. Some have chosen to destroy themselves. Some have chosen to destroy others.

I believe that I have been, or will be, in every other persons shoes, and I also believe that that is happening right now. If I have been or will be you, that means I am currently you. I believe that this surrender into the idea of non-linear reincarnation is a timeless gateway into powerful compassion. I do not believe it reduces us into ‘one’.

I believe that unity is nothing without fragmentation. If something has in common anything with the things around it, it is only that it has nothing at all in common. Things are united and continuous out of convenience. Everything deserves recognition and uniqueness and respect: all of this emanates from the sacred.

Loneliness and solitude are two approaches to the same fundamental problem.

I believe that the universe is infinitely and incomprehensibly more intelligent than myself, but that that is not a good reason to try to simplify it or give up trying to understand it. I believe our ability to grasp complexity, subtlety and nuance is infinite if we have the courage to admit that it might be. I bow to the unknown and wander in the darkness. I feel better knowing I am lost.

I believe that no one way of thinking, that no one system of belief is useful without others to compliment it. The greatest human skill is to not need to believe in anything at all — to see from any angle. Every system of rules crumbles around the edges – therefore overlap systems. You don’t need eyes to see, you need vision.

The Voice of the Universe

There is one unalterable, inalienable, ever expanding, ever evolving truth and I do not believe in giving it a name. It is nameless, but not voiceless. We simply have to disabuse ourselves of our limiting ideas of what communication is, and from where it originates.

It is a great spirit that breathes it’s life through every fibre of every thing. It dances and plays sometimes sweetly, sometimes rough. There is an intelligence higher than ourselves … not god, more like ourselves… it is a by-product of intelligence as a naturally arising phenomenon. You could call it god, the holy spirit, whatever, but I really think its just another aspect of the whole. A feature, a benefit. It is one thing amongst many things, and permeates all.

I’ve had close encounters with it, and it blows my mind every single time. It was a communication with the universe. A dialogue without words, spoken or written. More like some sort of sign or encrypted code that used anything and everything it could, words included, but also people, events, memories, objects, sensations, coincidence and long-standing facts that we only just realize were not so binding after all.

It is so secret as to be unsayable, unthinkable. If you know the secret you can never, ever tell. It’s just not possible to give it up, so it is the safest, most secret of secrets, that even in plain sight can remain invisible. But if someone else knows it, then you can speak in certain ways with them.

I know courage and boldness to be essential. Fear, doubt, arrogance and ’showing off’ will cease transmission. Holding onto it as well is bad, because it is formless. It likes to use many people, events, things, thoughts, words, points of views, religions, gods, countries, languages… so if you depend too much on one source, you lose trace…

To know, you must unknow.

A Guess is Not a Proof

What does it mean to know? I think it means that we have made, to one degree or another, a kind of ‘guess’ about how things are. It is important to realize how profoundly everything we ‘know’ is actually a guess. Even mathematics has eight fundamental axioms. Axiom is another word for assumption, which is still a rather fancy word for a guess.

You know, with all our science, no one can prove a circle. Next time you wonder about god, remember that no math yet exists which can rationally prove a circle without imposing arbitrary limits.

To prove a circle to yourself, look and see. That must be enough. I want to help you look, but I cannot help you see. I am but an aspect of your own awareness. Being within your awareness, I cannot be your awareness, itself.

You see, we can prove nothing about the universe without first having assumptions. One of the most basic assumptions here is that we need to prove it. Especially to others. But who are we trying to convince, really? All too often, it is ourselves who needs these explanations, not other people.

Assumptions can be empowering in a linear, cause-and-effect way, but these very assumptions can be limits upon the observation of truth — therefore if one holds too tightly to assumptions, if one mistakes their best guess for actual knowledge, one cannot observe the truth. The truth transcends proof and falsification, but not in a superficial sense. It can be neither. It is beyond these things. Indeed the truth is not the truth as we commonly know it.

It is not ‘the truth’.

It just is. You do not need to prove what is. It is plain to observe to anyone who can free themselves from assumptions, and the need to prove. The mind likes to think and explain, rationalize and reason. This is all very well and good! Yet, it often impresses itself with this cleverness, but it doesn’t seem like it’s enough to approach the ultimate questions with cleverness alone.

One must have patience. Courage in facing the unknown, in facing fear. Freedom to express, explore, exist. One must be able to love even when that love brings pain and hurt. And one must honestly seek truth.  Then one must ask.

A good question can take effort to formulate. A good answer can take time to find. Avoid guessing before the answer comes. This may take a while, so cultivate non-judgement. Ask yourself: do I really need the answer now? Can I wait?

The best questions exist in a total lack of assumptions. The best answers take a lifetime to explore.

The Texture of Truth-Telling

Begin by telling the truth. By hearing your own voice speak the truth, you will learn what truth sounds like. By facing the joy and pain of truth, you will know what truth feels like, in your heart and in every cell of your body. By gazing into the shadows your eyes will adapt and shine like the owl’s. Wickedness then will fear you.

Tell the truth to yourself and to others, then you will inspire others to open up. Lies will sound on their tongue, so they too will abandon deceit. Abandon of deceit is a solid step toward humility, a measurable move away from delusion. To be yourself means you do not lie to yourself. If you do not lie to yourself, you won’t be concerned with making others see you a certain way. You are removing yourself from the Economy of Deceit.

We should always reflect back upon the darkness we ourselves came from. Reflect back on the times we were asleep, unawakened. They were there, and we are continually awakening so that our awareness, as it is now, will someday seem dim in comparison.

Knowing that we come from darkness and that our ignorance brought us suffering — let this sit on your heart. It will give you the patience and compassion to allow darkness in others — and faith that we can all find sunrise, that sunrise dawns upon us.

Yes, the sun rises over the horizons of our potential. Fresh air flows into all lungs. Water fills our bodies and sates all thirst. The earth accepts all paths. The stars house infinite imagination — you see, this universe surrenders itself both to the saints and who you name wicked. The light shines on the blind.

Don’t settle for “whatever works”, be fresh, do something new, say forbidden things — we all forbid ourselves to say things, but saying them can be powerful — maybe other people wish to say it, or hear another who feels the same. Then you are two.

A breath of fresh air breaks us out of the cocoon of habit. The light instantly pours through the cracks. Your words could bring breath and light, water and warmth, to someone else’s life. If a thousand people read something you’ve written, it is nowhere near as successful as if it is truly felt as sacred to just one person. This is why we mustn’t be concerned with the numbers of our audience — appeal to the mass and you pay in spirit.

The possibility of fresh air brings us automatically towards it.

Humility and Pure Learning

The Power of Humility is significant. Power is defined by dictionaries as the ability to act effectively. There are plenty of instances where power is associated with abuse, but power can be used for noble ends! Never before have I felt so much power, so much new ability to act, and learn, and know, and be. It is as a direct result of my recent insights on the virtue of Humility, which I wish to tell you of.

In a world of ego, humility seems the most nebulous of the virtues. Ego is not understood, so humility is not understood. At least, that is how I felt… I rarely use the word ego in talking and writing, because I feel so strongly that it is misunderstood and actually gets in the way of understanding. So I undertook a specific quest, a shift in focus: to find the meaning of humility in the desire to know the magic of Pure Learning.

It is my understanding that Pure Learning, what in the east is called ‘Beginner’s Mind’ can only manifest with great Humility. I’ve been searching for a teacher for a long time. This is hard for me, even though I am known to be a critical thinker, a skeptic and a doubter, despite my great faith in the universe and the gods. Despite all the instances in my life, the concrete experiences of interactions with the Divine, conversations with god-like beings and witnessing my own ability to perform great acts of magic and kindness, I question endlessly.

But it wasn’t ‘the certainty that I knew’ that was the hardest thing to shake. Something new is arising within me. Even as I write, I feel bumps shiver across my skin at the notion. The certainty that ‘all things should be questioned’ has been laid bare before me in my mind and suddenly I am not so certain that questioning everything is useful. This is becoming real for me now. The exact phrase eludes me, but the gist of it is that I have been challenged to believe in myself and through myself, manifest heaven.

To find my teachers, to be able to learn and move forward toward the truth, to become the master, I had to become the servant to a thing higher than myself. I have to give up one question, and one question alone, then give it my all.

Humility is the symptom of someone who has taken upon themselves the ultimate service. It is a badge of the initiated, and to be initiated into the fold of my higher self requires absolutely unquestioning faith in the highness of that self. It is an act of courage, obviously. And this type of service is not a sacrifice of freedom but a further movement into liberation. You see, all these virtues create intricate patterns and knots and interrelationships. Their sum is love, and that love is the illimitable sacredness of being.

Humility is the state of Pure Learning. Humility is strong, not weak. Humility is unshakeable. It is not to become meek, not to abase oneself to make other people feel comfortable. It is to become great and to use that greatness to elevate this earth and its peoples toward heaven in every action and gesture my consciousness allows me to activate as mine. It is the most beautiful progression toward perfected patterns of life. It is harmony with the transience of all things. It is music of the mind, body and spirit.

Humility has helped me find love, in you. Humility has allowed me to unfold and open in a way I have never even contemplated and for once, yes, such a blessed thing has happened — I am at a loss for words! A wordless energy now pours into my heart, into my blood and life force, translating into proactive awareness and action. I have sprung into new life, new awareness, new ability and this is what I mean by ‘power’.

Humility is to surrender the fight. To sit down and let loss blow through you and take your petals into the wind. It is great peace and solitude. It is to become your only opponent and your closest friend. Humility is not in competition with anything at all, not even itself. There is no ‘very humble’ person. There is either Humility, or there is resistance, obstacles, problems and the inability to listen, the inability to learn and thus the inability to heal, to live and to truly love.

With Humility comes a profound gratitude and appreciation. The burden has been lifted at long last. With gratitude come endless abundance and the ability to give. And Humility also allows me to receive, which is after all, a giving of the very gift of giving! A restoration of the balance. Allowing another to give and allowing myself to receive. I have become able to trust, and to have faith… in myself, in the divine and in you.

And with that I feel something I have never felt and have never named and in it, I am born truly into this life, and into your arms.

Air has never felt so good to breathe.

The Worship of Immortality

There is something beautiful in its subtle intensity, the simplicity of its grace, that pattern we intuit that expands into the infinite complexity we perceive.

It is this we love — this child-like abandon into that expansion of ageless, timeless experience. We love our immortality, which is reflected — projected! — as the permanence and infinity of the entire universe. We love our depth and live in awe of all creation, so afraid to claim it as our own.

This awe, or ‘awakening’ is the story of all creation. We are continually awakening from a dream and are sustained by the energy of Light — illumination and the nuclear fires it creates even to the center of our galaxy. A foreverness so vast … within and without.

Exist as you intend to exist forever — like all of the universe — live like you will live forever, play and laugh in eternal birth. It is not that there will be no tomorrow. Only the promise of forever today.

You can make it your last, or you can make it your first. But make it, for you are in fact its Creator.

Silent and Solitary We Ascend

In the end, it may be you, alone with yourself. It is a possibility, and humanity is thwarted if it develops myths in order to flee from this potential oblivion.

Unfortunately there are no answers out there for the self-seeking, self-actualizing person. You will come to know this, one way or the other, so I will be quite honest about it in my writing. The way can be shown, but you will be – must be — utterly alone in walking it. The alienation, the loneliness, the elitism, must all be confronted.

You will decipher the esoteric propaganda developed by the very gurus who seemed so powerful and mastered… you may even rip my words and world to shreds. You will endure the betrayal of close friends and some times it will seem that in all of the world, there is no one else who seems to ‘get it’. We all come to this test of our ‘faith’, of our ‘resolve’. It will come to the most frightening part: you will be forced by circumstances to make a decision, and asked to accept that you may just be completely alone, for the rest of your days. That everything you ever say, until the day you die, will be construed as babble, or taken out of context, or misinterpreted.

To walk the path, is to consider there may be no path. To find God is to consider that there may be no gods. You will be asked to seriously consider the idea that all of this, everything, is inside your head. And this is the origins of much of your terror, the cradle where your greatest fears are born.

When you surrender to the truth, whatever that may be – good or bad, ascension or oblivion, you will find it. When you are no longer interested in creating, or interpreting, or communicating the truth, the ‘Secret’ to others, that is when she shall come to you. In that quietest and most lonely and secret of moments. The enlightenment which thousands of years of spirituality has attested to shall be yours then, just reach out and never look back! There is no back. The soul will cry it’s loudest, and you will cry all your tears, and laugh all your laughter.

Then you will have a choice to leave this world, or come back to it as a teacher, a healer, a warrior. If you come back, you have agreed to a task. You know of what I speak. You know the task you have agreed to, though it may be difficult to express clearly to another. Do not be afraid: this was your choice.

It is the friends you’ve found along the way… when you awaken to life, when the mind follows nature’s laws. Coming home to the stalwart friends who have been waiting patiently for you all this time, who all seemed to have been there, listening to you all along, waiting for you, unseen, unheard, in secret — is the truest reward, and is completely humbling. It is the heavenly friendship of those who stayed by you when you were alone, who helped you though you know not their names or faces in many cases. A secret order of loving brotherhood, of nurturing sisterhood. They left you alone because  you had to be alone in order to find that ultimate Self which is enlightenment. They know the necessity of the illusion of solitude. They are quiet. They cannot be found until you can listen.

If you can face the deepest silence, the deepest aloneness, listen so closely that the soul cries out in solitude the happiness of knowing: you will find there is no such thing, truly, as being alone. You have a home, here, on earth. Come home. Although you see us not, we are here. Waiting for you, as long as we must.

The Compulsion of Labelling

Why do we feel the need to label things? It never stops. Why is there such a need to stamp a label on everything we experience?

I label because I have a deep desire to share. I am deeply in conflict with my own solitude.

On one level it’s because we believe that if we call it something, we have power over it, or that we can control it. Use it. To an extent, this is very true. To an extent, if you can grasp something conceptually, you can bring it into your life where otherwise it would be lacking. But we are always adding ‘more’ and we have a tendency to think that ‘more’ will get us what we want, eventually. Or power ‘over’ external things.

On another level we often believe if we’ve slapped a label on something, there, we see it, we know it, we understand it. We’ve defined it, it’s ours. We are eager to have our answers, to know. Labelling is a form of impatience, in this case. However, I’ve found that often when I do this, I often prevent myself from understanding it further. The truth is living, the labels are dead.

So as an exercise in perception, I might sometimes try and ‘look’ or ‘listen’ and explore the texture (what I’ve called psychotopography) of an experience without the compulsive labelling. With practice this can be refined and work ‘enough’ to get by. I don’t see it as being perfect, because the mind labels and divides. That’s what it does. It’s not me doing it, it’s a reflex.

But it can be trained, surely, and when it is, we gain access to these extended moments of clarity and understanding, even insight. But these moments never last, and if you believe in them too much you’ll just feel guilty when you label at all, and you shouldn’t. It’s not you labelling. It’s just labelling, and it goes on and on.

To Share and Err in Solitude

On the deepest level I yet have observed within myself, the need to label is very profound, and has to do with this conflict with solitude. Loneliness is another way that our absolute solitude manifests, and it is suffering. Even when you are in a prison with the worst criminals that can be, to punish you, the guards would put you in solitary confinement. Psychologically, we would rather be around the most wicked and dangerous of people than have to sit alone by ourselves for any extended period of time!

So I think our need to label may have to do with the delusion that we can share our experience of solitude. In a certain sense, yes we can, and language, up to a point, assists. It alleviates this pain, temporarily. Communication is communion and can have a very cathartic effect. Perhaps we can label that a spiritual feeling, but it’s a pain-killer… you might just as soon take an aspirin.

The deep compulsion to share, to struggle against loneliness, to ‘be not alone’, doesn’t cease, and so it can be very difficult to stop labelling, as I see it, until we abandon a certain hope.

Abandoning this hope, in the various ways it manifests, may be the only way to live life fully which is of course the task at hand. Hope, in this sense, is the delusion that all things can be shared, or in fact, should be shared.

And trust me, you are delusional. Especially if you think you aren’t.

But, do not stop talking.

I’m not going to advise anyone to stop speaking, or talking, discussing, sharing, labelling. You need to sharpen your mind. Conceptualize more clearly. Perfect your intelligence. Strengthen your memory. In all ways, purify and master your mind. Speak more clearly, discuss more fairly, share more effectively, label more prudently. Do not try to abandon the activities of the mind – instead, perfect them.

No. I don’t believe that I should shut up. I think we need to talk more, think more, talk better, think better. The breakdown of effective communication is the path to violence.

Are we doing violence to certain experiences, doing violence to ourselves, when we attempt to share these things which should be taken into our solitude utterly and transformed into the incommunicable secret wisdom of life, the universe and everything?

Yes, without a doubt. There are things that one should not attempt to share, because to share them compulsively, or in certain cases at all, causes conflict, struggle, pain and violence. They cannot be understood, and kept, and integrated, and studied, at the same time as they can be shared. First seek to understand, then and only then, to be understood.

I’m saying that if you attempt to share a certain class of experience, what you are trying to share no longer exists. For example: you’re reading this now, and maybe you feel a sense of wonder and clarity. ‘I should show this to so-and-so, they really need to read this!’ Wrong. That is a projection. What it means is that YOU really need to read this. No one else does. You won’t understand a single word of what I’m saying if you try to share it with someone else, or try to share it back to me, as if I don’t quite understand what I’m talking about and you can correct me…

Give that idea up.

This is happening inside your mind, not mine. I am not a ‘person out there’ writing something, it is being written into your mind and memory by you, right now, and your labelling process and your loneliness are producing a situation in which you believe there is a student and a teacher, or an idiot on the other side of these sentences or a wise person. None of that is ultimately true, because as you read this, you are not actually in a discussion or in communication with anyone but yourself!

If you fail to notice this, you have failed to understand solitude.

You could now imagine that I might actually write for myself. Talk to myself. Take notes on myself for myself to process again at a later time. That it has nothing to do with you at all. If my writing it has nothing to do with you, then certainly your reading it has nothing to do with me.

Forgetting Myself

The constant revision of the past, the repetition, is being fuelled, in a sense, by my desire for it to be different. And I think if I go over it again and again, I will figure something out, that it will become different. Sometimes indeed, we do find that with some thought, we have found a deception or an illusion we were subject to. But because we did not find it at the time, it is still subject to error. Fundamentally, memory is flawed. There is error. We cannot in fact gain new data from old data. New experience comes from the present alone. There is no new experience in the past, no new knowledge, no new insight.

Desperate for such things, we invent them through an imaginative process. This process contributes to the fundamental error of memory. It is proven that psychologically, our brain cannot truly determine the difference between memory and imagination. When I see this in myself I see that the past and the future are entirely constructed from memory and imagination.

There is absolutely no escape from this, through thought. The use of thought is memory and imagination. The use of thought is constructed from past experience. And this past experience is inalterable because the only access we have to it is in the realm of thought, through the use of thought. Because we can only enter this realm with thinking, it is limited. It is fixed, and it cannot be altered fundamentally.

Why can it not be altered, fundamentally?

Because it is thought, and the only alterations we can make to it is through thought. Fundamentally, it is only thought. New experience exists outside of thought, but instantaneously. The habit I notice most is how quickly, in fact, just as instantaneously, my present experience becomes thought. Here, labelling is involved. Sooner than I can perceive the shift, direct experience has been recorded and old recordings have been added to it. Therefore, it seems to me that even the act of perception is within the domain of thought.

Can I approach the event horizon where perception is happening and where reality actually is?

The ancients texts suggest not. So long as I carry this image of myself, this identity, this ego, this ‘I’ that is ‘me’, which is constructed entirely of memory and imagination, which is carefully, painstakingly, marvellously the masterpiece of all the thought and memory and imagination that goes on within me, I cannot.

I cannot bring ‘me’ into the present moment. Me is not the present moment. Me is thought, as memory and imagination. So long as I have a ‘me’, every time I try to become present, I fail. There is no ‘I’ becoming present. There cannot be. If there is an I being present, there is not presence. There is either ‘me’ or there is ‘presence’.

Can we find clues in the present moment, as to who and what we truly are, in our actual pattern? It seems that we must! Our advantage in observing the present far outweighs our ability to predict or recollect. Therefore the greatest clues we will find evidence themselves smack in front of our noses: I have found, at best, that an awareness of context is the most the past (or any conceptual framework) can offer. At worst, memory and thought will obscure the truth in those moments we need to observe — note here that thought is the past tense of thinking and also note how interesting it is that we use the word at all! Reflection (that is sitting, remembering, thinking, analysing, deciding and taking new action) can be postponed and relocated to appropriate times, rather than compulsively intruding on us.

So give priority to the present instance, collect all you can from it, and then and only then draw from past experience. Otherwise you risk constantly colouring events and people with stuff that isn’t actually there, stuff you’ve brought with you and you alone will add to the encounter. You will constantly be collecting the WRONG data from the present, which will create the WRONG memories which will further colour your experiences in a way that runs contrary to truth.

Memories, at most, should be treated as propaganda.

This is so daringly counter-intuitive! When I began the practice of prioritizing my inputs and treating memory as biased propaganda I found only an initial discomfort. We do this same exact thing to the perceptions of everyone else around us and to their input, identities and stories (even if we are gullible and naive, we do this more to others than we do to ourselves). We know they often don’t see themselves or what Jung would call their own shadow.

Memory IS unconscious! How can we depend on any available memory to somehow transmute itself into conscious awareness? Memory, in this sense, arises from mind and in my experience, (and apparently in neuroscience too) awareness and/or consciousness simply cannot be found in the brain or the mind.

The very act of remembering, if you permit me a broader definition than is normal, is psychotic and delusional in that it is neither the present, nor is it sufficient in and of itself to be the truth. Sift through this stuff with great caution and utmost suspicion, because it is constantly and aggressively telling you who you are when in fact we can be certain that it is largely unawakened, incorrectly interpreted, hyper-selective bullshit.

Survival is Exactly Equal to Death

We have reduced ourselves into isolated shells who begin and end at the boundaries of our skin, when reality would suggest otherwise. We have many more than five senses, but the first task is to re-align ourselves with those first most obvious five, in order that we might proceed into the realm of secrets and sorcery and silence.

Perhaps we humans have been alienated and marginalized in favour of machines, but I am afraid the story is much more grim than that. If we ever realized our fullest potential, even a handful of us, our world would be free. A hundred such people could change the world forever. One such person can change your life.

Of course, if you are that person, yourself … you take on the sacred responsibility of those who have frolicked under the covers with the divine and adored even the vulgar and wicked as part of the face of the gods.

I do not want to be a burnt dream, singing as an echo of life. I cannot live long like that. Soon, my disincarnate existence must end and I must return into the potential of my flesh. The poet must touch that which he intends to let his lips utter into the ether once more. The writer must meet his characters and discover his plot. My dreams must become lost within the true, my vision filled with eyesight and my heart abused and forged in the pure fire of truth.

The truth is only that: the fire behind our eyes. Our vision. An observation of the false. An unfettered awareness.

These things are not fiction.  I am on a life long quest to learn of them, become them, and teach of them to others who seek. What is it to be human? Hidden. Subversive. Incorruptible even as we stand in a world of darkness. We stand. We prepare. If all are blind, we must see. If all are chained, we must break free. From the habit of inaction we must play and dance like the flickering candle of consciousness: so new and fresh and tentative to this universe bent in upon itself in ultimate self-examination.

No one can truly hand us the truth. Better we look at our eyes, with our eyes, and see the mirror that creates the exterior universe so that it aligns with the interior — great illusions, great delusions — and if we cannot live, we must die: merely to survive is not uniquely human, though it may seem so in popular mythology.

Survival in our age is exactly equal to death. It is Living that must be our main concern. While the bombs still fall and life around us falls apart: we are consuming the insides of this egg in order to bring forth a new world. Let us enjoy the death of birth and find ourselves before the end. The sun always sets, and all torches expire.

It is Empire that is mediocre … yet Humanity is not a given. It is earned and kept, aspired to. Even the angels of heaven stand in reverent silence, unable to cope with the magnitude of what is at stake.

We always know what needs to be done. Always. It scares the hell out of us that we know, that we remember. Not a rambling discourse of schizophrenic voices in our heads, that would be too obvious — I mean that inside, in total silence, rests this hidden (yet not so hidden) knowledge. Obeying that knowledge is power.

It’s the only form of power that’s safe, that inner power over yourself: anything else, the demons will try their hardest to take from you. There are few other processes to living, and in terms of freedom, there is only this process of undoing the knots and the chains and the strings. It demands courage and sometimes, it demands justice. For every fetter you unravel from your spirit, the more you get to live.

Every chain you leave tied, someone else uses you or enslaves you. These aren’t your strings, they are someone — or something — else’s.  They will suck you dry and spit you out. Your shell may survive, but what of your spirit?

Origins of the Spirit

I have decided to retrace my steps back through the original ideas, that which arose within me at first as sheer madness is now the most clear and beautiful of nuances when I walk this city, and search for signs of intelligent life. I have searched for soul-mates and know the nature of the Nothing. I have woven sorcery and taken from the air, and earth and water and fire secrets that the first of us learned long ago. I have travelled through centuries and danced on the timeless shores of eternity with shape-shifting Valkyries celebrating every supernova courageous enough to annihilate itself for the benefit of all creation. When I close my eyes I see the Golden Age, here, now, already… hidden within the gaps of our awareness. Unconquerable, indomitable and utterly illimitable.

I have visited the edges of the mind, where the symbol becomes vacant, the word becomes blasphemous and the concept empties itself in terror and in awe of the cheap imitation of the real world that it has whored on the lips of street corner prophets and the imaginations of Order.

Yet there is sensuality. Perhaps a synonym for spirit…

What is not ethereal and mystical about sensuality? I think that many would argue that people are of two types: grounded or in their heads. What if someone was both… what would sensuality be to them? Certainly not a denial but an inclusion of the sacred, the divine, into earthly affairs: We are pressed tight you and I, in a fold of earth and sky: it is our sheathe, and it’s the way our world embraces us. So … if we are to embrace one another in fullness, let us imitate nature and press each-other in between body and mind so that our touch might rise to the spiritual dimension.

Touch makes lovers real — and that is what we are most afraid of: that our lovers might be real.

Unity

Our body, our blood, our breath all contain precious moisture — water that has been on this earth for longer than life has — upon which life depends. Many times our water has traveled the world over, helping many lives live. While inspiring, perspiring, expiring… leaving, mixing, pouring, spilling, raining, evaporating…

Being drank, sweat and urinated. Absorbed through osmosis by fruits and vegetables and deep roots from the earth.

Moving into streams, rivers and back into the deep memory of Life, the oceans — it shows itself to have its essence both in every molecule or drop, to every ocean and great storm. Truly water is a single whole — integrated to every fiber of every living thing. It passes back and forth from being to being from state to state: ice, liquid, vapor.

It resists nothing, yet is powerful in force.

Same with light. Light is white but when broken with a prism, shows a truly endless range of colours. Yet each different colour is the same light.

Lastly we must mention air. We must talk about breath. Perhaps our most constant, necessary rhythm yet for the most part we ignore it. But deprived of our air supply, we notice immediately and cannot last long this way.

Some would believe that when a fetus is created in the womb, life begins at once, if not at once, with the heart, if not then with the mind. I say that nothing that needs air to live its life is alive until it takes its first breath on its own. It is upon the first breath that the spirit enters, and on the last breath (the deep last breath, not the surface breath which seems last) that the spirit leaves.

Thus our center, our spirit, is shielded in the rhythm of our inspiration and expiration.

The breath will travel far while seeking out secrets, it is always once we return home, when we become centered once again, that we rediscover our spirit. And what you breathe goes into the lungs of others, and is absorbed by the plants and all life that needs oxygen or carbon dioxide to thrive. A global breath takes place, where in only a few short days, you have shared a breath of air with every other human on the planet.

Indeed, Science has proven what the ancients may have long ago knew: that everything is made of the same underlying energy — that even seemingly physical objects have more, much more, in common with air and smoke and water and light than not.

All this really means is that you, and the people — the energies — around you, have much less separateness, much fewer real, and meaningful differences than our material senses report to us and would have us believe. The earth holds us all down with gravity. The sky shields all of us from outer space, the sun shines on all men, wicked or just…

Yes, to know thyself, as the Oracle at Delphi requires, is not to deny and divide, but to include and unite — This is the foundation of self-knowledge: water and air and light. We do not end at the skin… we travel far and wide, and then return home.

All rivers lead to the ocean and rainbows are light in slow motion.